November 2009
3 posts
literally cried myself to sleep last night
i’m so hungry, but it’s in my best interests if i just ignore it.
i need to lose weight. i’ve got a stupid face. so maybe if i cut down on eating i’ll lose weight in my face and get a more defined jawline. i’ve cried tonight because i’m not happy with my looks. shan’t be posting anymore photographs. i don’t even know whether to go leeds meet-up because i’m afraid of what people will think of me.
October 2009
34 posts
yesterday. i met up with a girl that really really likes me. (and i like her too, but not as much as it would appear she likes me). we’ve met up before. we kissed. this time, we held hands and kissed quite abit. once i got home i went more or less straight away to a house party thing. where i went with another girl. and i held her hand all the home. and now, i’m thinking that the girl...
one more thing
i bet you all think i’m a depressed little teenager who hates life,
you’re right.
goodnight x
today's posts were brought to you by the letter C
C for cardiac arrest. i learnt how to deal with others undergoing this today, so if you’re ever planning on accidently stopping your heart any time soon. i’ll give you CPR and maybe save your life. i’ll try not to grope your breasts when i do it. x
i’ve sat and watched people get in and out of relationships frequently (in real-life and tumblr). while i’ve been single for a whole year. what am i doing wrong that makes me so unappealing to girls? my eyes are blood shot from all these late nights just contemplating how awful everything is. then i got to college with the bravest face possible and scrape through another dreadful day....
things i love and what keep me going; the music on my iPod, pokemon, star wars, family guy, my family, callum cieciala, joe tiplady, sam shaw, james huson, tom hardwick, jordan maher, sushank bastola and everyone i follow on tumblr. x
so far, i’ve only posted text. all though, i might occasionally post songs or photos that either mean something to me. but other than that, i’m going to keep it traditional and post everything in word format. x
over the past couple of weeks my thoughts have been getting darker and darker. it’s gotten to the point where i’m such a downer to be around. beccy at college is like “you’re well depressed louis, cheer up, i love life me”. life is just the countdown to death beccy. as soon as we’re born, we start dying. what is the point in life really? having fun? what’s...
i’ve suddenly started feeling upset.
i hate it when people are walking in front of you in a street and they just stop walking. they could at least move over to the side to let other people past. but no, they’re so inconsiderate and selfish. i hate slow-walkers too, i just want to punch them in the back of the head.
haven’t really posted tonight on this, because i’ve been on the phone to a girl for nearly two hours. she’s lovely. currently watching season one of family guy. i attempted to clean my fred perry pumps and failed miserably. i used handwash and then made them less wet with a hair-dryer. then my grandmother showed me how to do them properly.
i can’t remember the last time i enjoyed college, today was once again poor. nothing good ever happens. it’s lost it’s novelty. i didn’t smoke today, i was quite proud of myself. i’m having southern fried chicken tonight, if you haven’t had it before: you’re missing out. i’m going to write my letter to alice soon (i promise). i need my hair cutting....
one more thing
i’d like to thank all my new followers for taking an interest in this blog. today, i was sat in chemistry listening to my iPod, when a song came on and it really struck me. Panic At The Disco - New Perspective. because the chorus says exactly how i feel at this precise moment: stop and let me correct it, i want to live a life from a new perspective. i guess that’s what this blog is, my...
today's posts were brought to you by the letter B
B for broken ties. between family, friends and yourself. sometimes i feel like i’m losing touch with the world and everyone on it, i question my sanity. but yet sometimes i notice others losing touch with me. it’s all about connections and bonds between one another. it’s those ties that keep us in touch with reality. getting us to think reasonably and take other’s opinions...
college tomorrow, i hope the building burns down. any freak event which prevents me from having to go will do fine :)
ahh, october 2009. you know what this means? a full year of being single. it’s been a full year since i blew it with my ex for the second time. i actually regret it so much. that was the closest i’ve ever felt to love. nevermind, eh? i thought maybe there’d be someone else out there for me and college would open many windows. but low and behold: nothing. seriously, i might aswell...
just had a crumpet. haven’t had one for ages, so it was a nice change. i don’t like it when there’s too much butter on them (or toast). i don’t like eating chunks of butter. it makes me feel all greasy and my teeth feel awful. the people in my drama class seem to think i’ve got an eating disorder. and now my family thinks this too. so, pretty much everyone thinks...
you know what’s an amazing film? Control. i highly recommend it, even for those who aren’t that interested in music or joy division. it’s a very moving film. but it’s one of those films where you have to be in a certain mood to watch it, if you get what i mean?
they say these are the best years of my life, i dread what the next 50 will be like.
my best friend doesn’t seem to care at all. he’d much rather hang out with his new friends. which leaves me with nobody. (p.s have you noticed i haven’t swore in this whole blog yet, i’m going to try and keep it up).
i wish i had a group of friends like on skins. mixed races. even number of girls and boys. but life isn’t like skins is it? there’s so many people on tumblr i wish were my friends in real life.
young couples around the age of fourteen who put their statuses on msn as ‘love you baby! you’re the only one for me’. shut up. you don’t know what love is. i’m not saying young people can’t be in love. but saying the words ‘i love you’ nowadays is so cliché. if a graph was to be made of how many times people say and how many times people mean it....
i can’t accept compliments. another flaw in me. alongside those you can’t seem to see.
the most annoying habit i have that i really can’t help: when i’m walking and i see someone i think is attractive or something. i get my phone out to avoid eye-contact. i don’t know why i do it, it’s just a unvoluntary thing that’s become part of me recently. i’m just scared of people i guess. especially if i think they’re pretty.
college was below par as usual. the weather was absolutely dreadful. got soaked. i need to stop smoking. i don’t even like it. i don’t do it to look cool or anything. (not that it would make me look cool in the first place). i really should know better. sat down with adam and some of his friends. then anouk and chloe came along. then sophie started saying things about me. saying...
one more thing
i like it when people agree with my opinions. because it makes me feel a little more secure that i’m not the only person that thinks that way. x
my posts were brought to you by the letter A
A for a new start. which is exactly what this blog is, within reason. i’m not removing ‘louischatburn’, but this is more of a new branch if you must. this blog will be themed around my brain and how it works / doesn’t work. the opinions i express on here will be more controversial i assume. as i’m going to try and keep this as honest as possible. goodnight and the...
she has just text me saying “what have i done now?”. i’m sorry but you haven’t done anything ‘now’. but you’ve done plenty of things in the past that would usually make any guy give up. but no, i’ve stuck to my guns and pulled through and got to maybe starting something between ‘us’. but you know what? what is the point. relationships at...
tumblr has changed. i was on with ‘louischatburn’ before tumblrarity was invented. it’s just changed it into one big popularity contest. just like every other social networking site, it now has it’s competition element to it. so it is automatically fueled with arguments and hate. i think tumblarity should be removed. then we’d actually get honest blogging and...
i wish i could make myself more appealing to girls. more noticable. they don’t take an interest in me. because they all think i’m homosexual. everyone at college apart from close friends (both of them) know i’m not. but other than that. they just automatically judge me because i’m slightly more feminine than the other lads. who are just complete idiots after sex....
i’m currently laid on my bed listening to courtship dating with my headphones. because my docks just stopped working. so i now have to charge with the laptop. it also means i wake up late every morning, as my iPod was my alarm clock. which means i’m even more moody with everyone in the morning. drinking some flat stella from earlier. it’s disgusting, but beggars can’t be...
i hate college. i don’t feel welcome. i feel as though nobody likes, wants to hang around with or be seen with me. even my best friend doesn’t seem to care. he just seems more interest in making new friends (and let’s face it, cooler people than me). i miss my high school. this morning, i was in the shower looking at the water running of my fringe and just thinking how much i...
i’ve been crazy about you since february. but you’ve repeatedly messed me around and hurt my feelings. and now that we’ve been meeting up and calling eachother recently. it’s started working out. but i don’t know if i even like you in that way anymore. it’s almost like i’ve stopped wanting you because i can actually get you now (which ties in with the...
i don't know where to start
kind of ironic. i don’t shut the hell up on ‘louischatburn’, but when i’ve got to be serious: nothing.
if you’re following this blog. then you must care (or take an interest) about what i feel underneath my whole ‘louischatburn’ persona i’ve got going on. and for this: i thank you x